Embracing My Impending Ego Death

(note- written late on the night of Wednesday, April 23rd, and posted when all permissions were clear)

Oh my goddess! The level of excitement in my body is not that different than tantric energy exchange, and yet it is almost equaled by a deep seated fear. My strong will pulls me forward toward a greater truth, and my ego self trembles with an open awareness of its fragile basis in illusion and fear.

I hope I'm not speaking nonsense to you. Context might help. For two years now, I've been engaged in active dialogue with both my unconscious mind and my higher self. The three of us have collaborated on some major life shifts, which facilitate perceptual shifts, which in turn open the door to more life shifts... You get the picture. So with Re/Transformation and Psych-K as my primary tools, I've been uncovering my deeper truth, my greater self expression, and my life purpose. It's all been very satisfying and exhilarating. And the pace has gotten faster as I go.

Now I'm almost ready to embark on the next adventure, which I intend and expect to take me to whole new levels. I am attending a four day workshop for Advanced Psych-K starting tomorrow. The child care is all in place, the food is all ready to go, the clothes are clean, and the massage table is in the truck. And finally, with no other preparations to make, my ego self, the part that imagines me to be small and isolated and vulnerable to a hostile universe, is crying out that it's all a bad idea.

So, I do what I can. The poor thing has been working so hard to protect me from my own greatness for a long time, now. Most of the last 42 years, I'd say. I'm grateful for the deep concern she expresses for my overall well-being. And at the same time, I have to remind her that she's not the best one to leave in charge of these matters.

Psych-K is the name of the game, for the next few days, and it's also the perfect tool for preparing myself. I looked inward for guidance, listening to the fear, asking it what it might be named. The universe is dangerous, or something along those lines. Well, just the other day, I did a great session with Megan. (check out her blog post, she loves me!) And Megan has this simple and direct relationship to the divine. I love it. We balanced for her a new truth, and the gist of it was that her Greater Self knows exactly what She's doing.

Isn't that elegant? She also knows that her little self is not the best one to leave in charge, and she knows that her wholeness is connected to That Which Knows All. And her Greater Self is always taking care of the little human Megan. It delighted me to share in her process. And I knew I would balance a similar truth for myself, though the words would be different.

Here's what I found, standing in the shower, contemplating my impending expansion/doom. 0,o And I balanced it just moments ago-

The World Mind guides me to perfect destiny.

And it needed a supporting truth, which was-

I am Homo Lux manifest.

This one is big. (Ha! not like the first one was small...) Homo Lux is, for me, the name of our next step, the way that humans are evolving into a new species at this very moment. The twelve strand dna people who will change the laws of physics and engage in all the amazing, mystical practices that will transform our culture into something beautiful and sustainable. Homo Erectus, the human who walks upright, Homo Sapiens, the human who thinks, and now, Homo Lux, the human of divine light.

We play the human game by forgetting we are sparks of the divine. We fill our hungry minds with the trappings of our culture, and the follies of competitive drive. And sometimes, we start to remember, and then choose to let go of our training and embrace our wisdom. I have been deliberately forgetting my programming and reclaiming my greater truth. I am Homo Lux manifest. So are you, if you let yourself remember.

And the ego self is such a treasure. I won't let her die. She's the way I play the game. She's the one most people expect to hear answer my phone. I won't be small to coddle her fears, though. I'm going to grow into my whole greatness. There's plenty of room for magic in the world. It's the perfect time. Right here, right now. Join me.

Namaste

Radical Revisions

Well, it's been a while. I've been focused on completing some projects. Had a great conference in November, with the Labyrinth Society. Went to a Wholistic Rodeo in Kerrville. Both seemed terribly urgent at the time. Now, they are both just things I went to do, places I visited, ways I met people, grew my vision, and became more attuned to myself.

I will post, next time, about an amazing healing experience I had at the Labyrinth Conference. Just a teaser, for now, though.

I am in flux.

You see, last night I stayed up late, mesmerized. I read Become Younger, a book by Norman Walker, one of several he wrote on health, and I have embraced my extremism in response. I am now officially raw vegan. I just went through my fridge and took out everything that needs cooking or has been cooked already. I packed up all the grains and beans, all the meats, all the flours and condiments, even the Rice Dream frozen desserts that have been a staple in our house forever. I'll take it all to a friend of mine in a bit.

While I was concerned that I would have little left, I am pleased to see that my fridge is still pretty full. I've already been flirting with Raw food practices, so I've got a lot of produce. I am adjusting my priorities around my new food choices. I'll need a better juicer. I think, though, that just stopping my intake of the things that are harmful will make a big difference.

Then, just because I didn't feel destabilized enough, I re-watched The Story of Stuff. It's 20 minutes of distilled truth that has changed my way of seeing everything. Check it out-

http://www.storyofstuff.com/

From there, I found this interesting expose on the World Bank-

http://www.50years.org/factsheets/FAQ-FactSheet_3.9.04.pdf

I had no idea that it has all been so deliberate. A few years back, I found this other site that talks about how money is flowing uphill at an alarming rate. That's this one-

http://www.seek2know.net/money2.html

I have been on a cash basis for some time. I have one credit card that doesn't go negative, ever. I put cash on it when I want to buy something online. I have another with a small credit limit, only $500, and I pay it all the way off every month. I don't contribute the the growing economic topheaviness of the global culture. It's small comfort, though.

I choose to contribute to the organizations that are working to create a new model of accountability and positive impact. Check out the Grameen Foundation-

http://www.grameenfoundation.org/

Or sponsor a survivor of the ongoing global war-

http://www.womenforwomen.org/

Or a child impoverished by the one sided flow of wealth-

http://www.children.org/

It might be hard to take in all the imbalances of our culture at once. I find myself coming up against fear, hopelessness, anger. I go back to the Zen Buddhist saying: "If there is a problem, and you can do something about it, don't worry. And if there is a problem, and you can do nothing about it... don't worry."

I'm taking action. Small steps, growing awareness, increased personal focus and power. As bad as it all looks, I am happy to say that I feel hopeful, at least right now. There is so much change emerging, so much love and care moving in the world. That's where I connect myself. And by living consciously, I hope to expiate some small measure of my long complicity in the creation of the troubles. I hope to bring change by being the change. What about you?

Peace,
Crow the Free Radical