Well, it's been a very interesting six months. With occasional exception, I have been going nonstop, cleaning house physically, mentally, emotionally. I have been transforming, and it has taken all my energy. For a time, Jeff and I considered the possibility of moving into Austin together. The idea was to get a large house that we could somehow divide into two households. The intention was to soften the separation for Zander. In the end, I think it did, because it slowed the process of separating our lives. The gradual steps between gave him plenty of time to mentally adapt.
As you can probably infer, Jeff and I are not moving into Austin together. The more I cleaned out the house in Dripping Springs, ostensibly to make the house ready for selling, the clearer things became. I was the one who wanted to move, I was the one who did the work. Jeff stayed out of the way, helped when specific projects came to the fore, but otherwise didn't participate. Eventually I realized that I was trying to move all of us when I really just needed to move me. It was such a relief to let go of that illusion!
Jeff and I started ironing out details of divorcing. So much to consider! The law allows certain things, requires others, defines things so narrowly- it's a headache. But we worked through it. The key point for me was that Jeff considered the house in Dripping Springs to be his, not ours. This opened my eyes to what I had long resisted, but always known- our relationship had never quite crested into equality. So be it. And I had no desire to live in his house. So I moved. That day.
My dear friend, Elaine, has a lovely property of wild juniper and oak forest on a ridge between the Pedernales and Colorado watersheds. She graciously allowed me to live in her spare cabin for a time. I continued to evaluate my relationship to my things. Stuff can be so helpful at times, and at others, so hindering! I read a great book on clutter, and it really helped me clarify my needs. It's called Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui, by Karen Kingston. So eye opening! I literally read it from cover to cover in the middle of a sleepless night. And then started shedding material goods again.
I grew into the awareness that my healing work had changed. Working with Frank on Re/Transformation was part of it. Being called to Priestesshood on pilgrimage was more. Having never set it as a conscious goal, I realized that my skill set is that of a life coach. And in exploration of that, I learned exactly how many things I know that pertain to that purpose. Considering that I really ought to have more income to do justice to Zander's homeschooling, the timing is very nice! I now offer True Path Coaching. My intention is to help my clients become consciously powerful instruments of divine purpose. All of us have the answers we need within, and I help people untangle their truth from all the layers of adaptation and acculturation.
I found a wonderful apartment. I had some specific criteria- must allow cats, must be near a park or greenbelt, must be energetically clean and welcoming, must be in my price range while also being large enough. But the real thing I was looking for was smile factor. If I walked in and it made me smile, that's where I wanted to live. I found a great apartment locater, (Erik Fortman with Apartment Experts of Austin, 366-2119) and he showed me several places. The smile factor was greatest on the first one we saw, and that is where I now reside. I am the first tenant to ever live in my apartment. The whole complex is brand new. Behind it is Mary Moore Seawright Park, with 300 plus acres of trails, playground, fields, sports areas, and disc golf. Because they are trying so hard to fill the new buildings, I got a thousand square feet for under a dollar each. Perfect!
Moving, again, the second time in two months. Whoosh! I got to learn exactly how much I'm in shape. And the incredible value of a rented furniture dolly when moving into an upstairs apartment. I continue to shed unneeded stuff. Selling some, donating more, tossing out yet more. It's liberating. And finally, after five solid months of purging, the creative channel finally cleared. Yesterday, for the first time since 2006, I got out my paints, sketched out some images, gessoed several canvases. And here I am today, posting to my neglected blog. I'm stretching my new wings!
I have made good progress on my new website, and it ought to be up and running in a few weeks. I've found some truly wonderful new friends. I've held steady for Zander through the transitions. I've gone to Denton to see Robby graduate from TAMS and meet his lovely girl, Claire. I've started the process of building credit, reclaiming power I had left in Jeff's hands. I've visited with my mother, strengthened my friendship with Mike, played in the pool with Zander. My life is profoundly blessed. I'm glad I'm in it.
Namaste,
Crow
